So you think you’re ready to have a baby? Or at least you’re sick of everyone asking when you’re going to have a baby? Expanding your family can be quite a topic to tackle. For us, the initial conversation around this idea prior to Parker's existence was very vague and a bit fluffy. We didn’t have any strong feelings towards timing, how many, etc. I honestly wasn’t really into kids in general. When I found out I was pregnant with Parker, we weren’t really trying, we more explained that we weren’t really trying not too.
After she arrived, we were able to tangibly see what it was to be a family and how much we were absolutely obsessed with it. It allowed our conversations to become more focused around our actual wants and desires when it came to what our family looks like 5, 10, 50 years down the road. There were moments after Parker was born where I was like, ‘Yea, I see why people only have one child. It’s no joke keeping this thing alive!’. But, as the months went on, I knew that family was where I wanted to invest my time and resources. You know that scene from ‘The Family Stone’ where they are all sitting around the dinner table having witty banter and a fabulous meal? Well, I basically want that….. cause we all know it’s real life and all. In the end, you really only have family and I want a big one that is forced to come hang out with me on holidays and take care of me when I’m old and crazy. We want the loud, messy chaos that comes with a big family. It’s a beautiful, rewarding and often very complicatedly thing!
With Parker, we were able to be more spontaneous with when we got pregnant. This second time around, I feel like we were a bit more aware of it all since there’s more to consider. How far apart do you want them? How old are you in comparison to how many kids you want to have? (you know they each take nine months?!) Do you want them to be similar in age to your friends kids so they can all be together? So many things. There is no universally perfect spacing between siblings. I decided I wanted a bit more time between the first and the second since we will never have only one child again and then it’s fair game to just have one after the other. From here on out, there will always be others, and it was such a sweet three years of just her and me time that I will never have with any of our other children. I’m savoring the days and ease of only having one tiny person to haul around right now. These days are numbered!
Three things to consider if you’re wanting to start or expand your family ::
There is no perfect time: People will try to tell you that you need to have xyz in line before starting a family or that you need to live in a spacious house or have saved up for their college funds already…. the list goes on. Point being, their views are not what matters. No matter how ‘prepared’ you think you are…… nothing prepares you for becoming a parent the first, second or whatever time around.
What control?: Just like with most things in motherhood, your body will only get pregnant when it knows the time is right. She’s a cheeky one. Sure, your husband may have winked at you the first time and you magically got pregnant - the second time around may not be so easy and vice versa. Try to be relaxed and open minded with the process.
One and done?: You only want one child? Cool! Be ready for everyone to keep asking when the next one is coming, but be confident in your choice. Just as it's not a sin to not want children at all, it's not a sin to only want one child. Sometimes you just make the perfect one the first time around.... so why keep trying?! It's your decision on what makes your family complete!
Would love to hear your thoughts on the topic. What did you discuss before having a baby or siblings? Anything you found helpful to consider before starting a family?
Be sure to check out and follow along with the other amazing mamas who are sharing their stories as part of this series. Also be sure to check out our previous topics: Travel, Feeding, Sleep, Relationships, Self Care, , Co-Parenting and Play. Links below! #realmomseries