26 Weeks + Stage Five Panic

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I’m not sure if there’s a term for what is currently happening in our apartment right now. It’s not technically ‘nesting’, as one would think, as much as ‘pure and total destruction’. I’ve discarded half my closet, but only managed to get the ‘giveaway’ box as close to the Salvation Army bin as my bedroom door. So that’s fun to trip over every day. Our front couch is in the back, we’re using E’s v-flats (definition: photo gear technical term for super tall foam boards) as fake walls to envision how the baby room would be built and every piece of furniture has been moved in order for me to get a feel for what it would look like elsewhere. And then, of course, only partially moved back. I basically can’t make a decision right now to save my life. So we’ve learned my feelings come out in the form of furniture rearrangement. Chalk it up to my stage five panic that set in after I went to my latest doctor appointment only to have her inform me that I’m on my final trimester. Huh, what? Yea, I said the same thing to her. Or at least my facial reaction did (disclaimer: I am 28 weeks in real time. I'm just lagging in keeping up the photos to correlate!) Thankfully, she’s my kind of lady. Took me a few visits to realize why I had a distinct feeling we understood each other. She’s slightly sassy, nonchalant and honest in a way some could find jarring, but I find refreshing. E was the one who acknowledged that she always complimented me on my fur, anything leather in my outfit or bold nail color. So pretty much the top three components to winning over my affection. Which makes her basically my OB soul mate and, therefore, the most qualified person to deliver this child.

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:: Confessions on Pregnancy ::

- You don’t know what an OB is either? I just learned this week when making a follow up appointment with the zesty new front desk receptionist! Let me enlighten you too. “Are you making an OB or GYN appointment, dear?”. Blank stare from me. “I don’t know what that means? Are those like those texting codes teenagers talk in these days?”. Blank stare back from receptionist. “Are you pregnant or not pregnant?”. “Oh” I stare down at my obvious belly near her eye level and then glance back at the receptionist. “By golly, I think I’m pregnant.” There was obvious judgement all over her face....it wouldn’t be far off to assume she burned my records.

- Perk of pregnancy; random strangers feel completely comfortable talking to you and sharing their wisdom on a whim. Take the dweller outside the corner bodega on Washington last week. After noticing I was pregnant and fighting a slight cough, he informs me to be sure to really take care of my health. I smiled and said I appreciated his concern. He continues to inform me that his lady was sitting on the park bench down the street one summer day and had a sneezing fit so bad it made her water break. Now they call their child ‘Sneezy’. The end. 

- What is a pregnant woman’s natural musk, you ask? Well, I’d have to say cocoa butter with a dash of Bio Oil. That’s right. I could spray perfume on myself with the intensity of an Abercrombie store, and it still wouldn’t hide the always present cocoa butter aroma that seeps out of every part of my skin. The best offense is a good defense, my friends. My fear of stretch marks is a close second to my fear of an outie belly button.